How to protect yourself from manipulators ? Part 2
7) At this point, you have to ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP. Talk to A PROFESSIONAL about the topic of abuse: anti-violence centers, psychiatrists and psychologists specialized on manipulators or on family abuse, mobbing, etc., doctors aware of this issue. A person without this kind of specialization will only damage you, misunderstanding you and applying the concepts upside down(such people can also bemanipulated by M.!). So, take your time to look carefully (via the Internet or acquaintances) for someone who is right for you.
8) Then, when you arrive in front of the specialist, BE PREPARED: you'll have to prepare properly the description of your problems. Avoid complaints: go straight to the point and be the most dispassionate and descriptive as possible, appearing precise, objective and reliable. The ideal is to prepare a JOURNAL with dates, incidents of abuse, precise details, the exact circumstances (I know, it is a hard chore, because memory does not help us when we are traumatized and remembering certain details is a nightmare: but it is aimed to save you!). A disturbed person is usually not able to be calm, precise and objective, so, even though at first you can not prove 100% what you tell, you will cut a fine figure and this will be the beginning of a fruitful relationship with your therapist. You will have to behave similarly with a lawyer (pick one that understands you and is able to fight!), a doctor and anyone who can really help
7) At this point, you have to ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP. Talk to A PROFESSIONAL about the topic of abuse: anti-violence centers, psychiatrists and psychologists specialized on manipulators or on family abuse, mobbing, etc., doctors aware of this issue. A person without this kind of specialization will only damage you, misunderstanding you and applying the concepts upside down(such people can also bemanipulated by M.!). So, take your time to look carefully (via the Internet or acquaintances) for someone who is right for you.
8) Then, when you arrive in front of the specialist, BE PREPARED: you'll have to prepare properly the description of your problems. Avoid complaints: go straight to the point and be the most dispassionate and descriptive as possible, appearing precise, objective and reliable. The ideal is to prepare a JOURNAL with dates, incidents of abuse, precise details, the exact circumstances (I know, it is a hard chore, because memory does not help us when we are traumatized and remembering certain details is a nightmare: but it is aimed to save you!). A disturbed person is usually not able to be calm, precise and objective, so, even though at first you can not prove 100% what you tell, you will cut a fine figure and this will be the beginning of a fruitful relationship with your therapist. You will have to behave similarly with a lawyer (pick one that understands you and is able to fight!), a doctor and anyone who can really help
9) KEEP A "SERENE" ATTITUDE : M. tries in every way to isolate his/her victim and hide everything, in a paranoid way. Abuses do not like the sunlight ... The best reaction by the victim, is not the quest for revenge, but a positive, assertive attitude; then: - if M. accuses you unfairly, be unassailable, but acknowledge who is really to blame; - if M. is hysterical, remain calm and in control; - if M. resorts to unjust generalizations, describe accurately facts and document them;- if M. aims to secrecy, cultivate communication and transparency; - if M. wants to isolate you, cultivate social relationships; - if M. behaves evil, be full of kindness. So: give a positive image of yourself.
10) TAKE GREAT CARE OF SOCIAL RELATIONS, but above all, of those with people you can trust. Most people do not know (or they want to ignore) the problem of manipulators, and not a few, even in good faith, could diminish your concerns, ignore them, make you feel unappreciated or inappropriate, if not "betray" you and go to report what you said to the manipulator him / herself. For this reason, sometimes it's almost better to trust someone external, but, above all, someone who knows from experience what your life of abuses means. In any case, try to come out of isolation and cultivate your social relationships, projecting a positive image of yourself as described above. You have to fight a real BATTLE FOR PUBLIC OPINION, resorting to confidence according to the person in front of you and trying to get him / her on your side in proportion of the favor that the person may express for you, but always in a proper and civil way. In any case, try to pull on your side, with valid explanations, your loved ones, whom you can trust. Surely, you will need their help...
11) Finally, you MUST get away from the MANIPULATOR. If you are subdued to mobbing, you have to find another job; if M. is a parent, look for support, if you can, among other family members and try to recreate your life, as soon as you are just older, out of your family; if you are married with a manipulator, sorry, you need a divorce. I know, I'm a Catholic and I believe in the bond of marriage, but what you have is no marriage at all: it is a trap. About married life with a manipulator, we must remember a crucial detail: when M. feels he/she has the victim (not the spouse) in his /her power (usually after marriage, but also after any important date which gives power: after the start of cohabitation, for example, or after the birth of a child), he / she changes dramatically his / her attitude and reveals his /her true self. "But he / she was not so ...": how many times have I heard it! And the poor spouse - victim strives to resist and find a remnant of the person he /she married ... Similarly, M.'s inconsistency can induce you to stay with him/her while you wait to find again the person he /she was, because M. starts to be sweet for a short period, to persuade you to stay, and later begins again to mistreat you. It is an emotional roller-coaster. How many people stayed with a domestic tyrant, with the illusion of finding again the good and sweet (?) person M. was once! But that person never existed. It was a facade of paper. That's why marriages with M. are usually not valid. But, if you still have doubts, withdraw in silence, alone, give yourself time to think (perhaps, to pray) and ask yourself, where is the truth of your life: with those who are murdering you or elsewhere, so that you can find yourself back? Once again, TRUTH SETS FREE.
However, moving away from a manipulator must be done with caution and Dr. Nazare-Aga has created a real protocol for divorce. In fact, if you reveal your plans, M. can boycott them indefinitely, even provoking a real Parental Alienation (putting your children against you to take them away from you) or other damages, including financial ones, acting unfairly. I can not linger here on the subject, but divorce from M. must be carefully planned and kept secret until the very last minute.
8) Finally ... I know it will be a bit confessional, but it comes from experience. PRAY. I remind you that I survived a plethora of manipulators. What gave me the strength to endure all this, was prayer. You should seek help from a specialist and my advice, here, on the blog, will not be enough to help you, no, but even the specialist will not give you one thing: the strength to go on until everything is over. No one on this earth, will creep in you and give you the strength you need. One only can do it: the One Who is infinite Love. In such a tremendous struggle, when you literally risk your life, you need love, and He is the Only One Who can give it to you. In tons. So many times, I came to the end of my strength, in anxiety and anguish, in an empty and silent church, I sat down and, at some distance from me, there was only the tiny, glowing light indicating the Tabernacle; and, incredibly, always, ALWAYS, when I came out, a half hour later, I was calm and serene. It was no suggestion. Suggestion does not have any lasting effects. Pray the One Who can really help you. Prayer saved my life, because, there was the One who truly understood, listening to me. That Someone gave me love, ability to regain my self-confidence, to believe in myself and put me on the road of people who could help me.Call him, and ask Him for help.
At last, I just have to say: try to be happy!
8) Finally ... I know it will be a bit confessional, but it comes from experience. PRAY. I remind you that I survived a plethora of manipulators. What gave me the strength to endure all this, was prayer. You should seek help from a specialist and my advice, here, on the blog, will not be enough to help you, no, but even the specialist will not give you one thing: the strength to go on until everything is over. No one on this earth, will creep in you and give you the strength you need. One only can do it: the One Who is infinite Love. In such a tremendous struggle, when you literally risk your life, you need love, and He is the Only One Who can give it to you. In tons. So many times, I came to the end of my strength, in anxiety and anguish, in an empty and silent church, I sat down and, at some distance from me, there was only the tiny, glowing light indicating the Tabernacle; and, incredibly, always, ALWAYS, when I came out, a half hour later, I was calm and serene. It was no suggestion. Suggestion does not have any lasting effects. Pray the One Who can really help you. Prayer saved my life, because, there was the One who truly understood, listening to me. That Someone gave me love, ability to regain my self-confidence, to believe in myself and put me on the road of people who could help me.Call him, and ask Him for help.
At last, I just have to say: try to be happy!
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